I hate this. I hate everything about everywhere I am.
I hate my job, I hate my house, I hate my mother.
She finds ways to make me feel useless and a failure.
I shouldn't still be feeling this way.

Hours.

I should probably start blogging again, it might help me sleep again.
But I now have something to look forward to, a chance to start over.
For some reason, I thought this didn't exist, that there was no way  that I could make something of myself.

I've been fighting severe depression, and the thought of who would take care of my hamster has kept me afloat more then once. I never thought that such simple, little things, could keep me breathing. When nothing feels alright, or nearly okay, waking up is the hardest part, and realizing that for those few hours that I actually managed to fall asleep, were better then anything when my eyes are open.

Maybe I could start sleeping again. I've been thinking far too much. I can only stare outside the window for so many hours before everything starts to feel unreal, and everything feels so far away.

Maybe for once, if I got to start over, everything could be okay again, and I could finally stop thinking.

Whoever said What you don't know can't hurt you was a complete and total moron. Because ... for most people I know, not knowing is the worst feeling in the world.

i just read that, and it brought me back to thinking about these past months. I'm happy i found out, and i'm happy i left him. I've been so much happier, and i feel like i've grown a lot. it's been two months and i can stand on my own two feet. There are days he'll come to mind, but that quickly passes. It's never "i miss him", it's always "i'm so happy i caught that before it got ugly". I don't miss him, i don't want him as my friend, and i never want to speak to him again.

I've been living my life at it's fullest.

we'll see!

New blog, new words, new chapter in my life.

My old blog.

it's not gone, i just can't stand rereading all of it everytime i write something new.

I don't think I'll ever listen to someone else instead of my gut feeling like that ever again.

i was taken for a fool, and i let him do it.

i've realized what i did wrong, and i won't let it happen again.

i'm tired of all the bullshit i went through.

we no longer speak, he was cheating on me all along,

i guess i knew it, but didn't want to.

i'm going to be a better, stronger, less trusting person,

and i'm fine with that. i won't be ever taken for a fool again.

i can only rely on myself, and that's all i need.

everyone else just makes life better, but at the end of the day,

all i have is myself.

living my life for today, not for the past.

i'm a stronger person, but i won't always be like this.

i'm completely independent, and i don't rely on anyone.

my heart is fine for now, until the next heartbreak.

but it's what makes life that much better,

taking the risk.